The DIGITAL ECONOMY BILL plans on banning sex acts in porn that aren't commercially available in DVDs.
You're thinking ‘Whaaat!’
I'm thinking ‘WTF!’
But commercial DVDs don't have straight guidelines. What could this bill possibly ban in porn?
Everything, Guys. At least everything that matters.
Adult film producers are finding it they have to cut most kinds of non-conventional sex acts from their films.
What the hell…
What does non-conventional even mean though?
For example, the bill will ban FEMALE EJACULATION which is very “non-conventional”.
What even is FEMALE EJACULATION?
I think that means SQUIRTING.
Ow, you don't know what that is? Great, a female who hasn't the haziest idea what FEMALE EJACULATION is. Perhaps you had your clitoris completely cut off or bitten off as the case may be. With the relations reversed, if you're utterly uncircumcised, then you're obviously out of breath and in dire need of a glass of water, or more correctly speaking “bottle water”.
President Muhammadu Buhari of the crystal clearly colossal country called Nigeria has said that FEMALE EJACULATION is a sin and also added that he is glad they are banning it. You would say that, Buhari, you've probably never made a girl come in her life. Nonetheless, several solid sources say that Buhari has got a surpassingly shriveled, turtlenecked, massive choad the size of four human fingers.
Speaking of four human fingers, the bill's banning anything over four fingers entering any orifice.
Violent weapons are also off the table now.
Apparently, people stick guns in pussies. Also, buttholes. I've never watched that though. I have only seen two porns and one of them is Lindsay Lohan's THE CANYONS…
…and I don't even know if that is a porn.
Let's go over THE DIGITAL ECONOMY BILL'S GREATEST HITS:
•Spanking
•Whipping
•Caning
•Michael Caine-ing
•No old people with cains…
…anymore!
•Anything that leaves marks
•Mark Whalberg
Sex acts that involve:
•Urination
•Menstruation
And sex in public.
Great list making, I know, but what about shitting? I don't think it's an accident that these coprophiliac cockneys didn't mention shitting. And I don't think you do either.
One of the most important facets of the bill would be its age verification process which would force porn websites to keep a database of their users—which can be easily hacked.
A spokeswoman for the British Board of Film Classification said.
And alarms will go off and you'll be booby-trapped. And not the good kind of booby.
Believe it or not, people are up in arms about the prospect of this bill.
Professor Clare McGlynn, an expert on pornography laws at Durham University said:
I personally agree with her stance. Why put focus on what two consenting individuals are doing, when there are legitimate cases of sexual violence in the porn industry.
The government needs to loosen up, just like you would to get more than four fingers into your orifices.
What do you guys think? Are you loose? Are you tight? I don't want to know.
Is the UK government doing their people a disservice if this bill is passed? Or is it helping… the youth? Lemme know in the comments down below.
