The UK Proposed a New Bill That Will Really Make Porn a Lot Less Interesting

The DIGITAL ECONOMY BILL plans on banning sex acts in porn that aren't commercially available in DVDs.



You're thinking ‘Whaaat!’

I'm thinking ‘WTF!’

But commercial DVDs don't have straight guidelines. What could this bill possibly ban in porn?

Everything, Guys. At least everything that matters.

Adult film producers are finding it they have to cut most kinds of non-conventional sex acts from their films.

What the hell…

What does non-conventional even mean though?

For example, the bill will ban FEMALE EJACULATION which is very “non-conventional”.

What even is FEMALE EJACULATION?

I think that means SQUIRTING.

Ow, you don't know what that is? Great, a female who hasn't the haziest idea what FEMALE EJACULATION is. Perhaps you had your clitoris completely cut off or bitten off as the case may be. With the relations reversed, if you're utterly uncircumcised, then you're obviously out of breath and in dire need of a glass of water, or more correctly speaking “bottle water”.



President Muhammadu Buhari of the crystal clearly colossal country called Nigeria has said that FEMALE EJACULATION is a sin and also added that he is glad they are banning it. You would say that, Buhari, you've probably never made a girl come in her life. Nonetheless, several solid sources say that Buhari has got a surpassingly shriveled, turtlenecked, massive choad the size of four human fingers.



Speaking of four human fingers, the bill's banning anything over four fingers entering any orifice.

Violent weapons are also off the table now.



Apparently, people stick guns in pussies. Also, buttholes. I've never watched that though. I have only seen two porns and one of them is Lindsay Lohan's THE CANYONS…



…and I don't even know if that is a porn.



Let's go over THE DIGITAL ECONOMY BILL'S GREATEST HITS:

•Spanking



•Whipping



•Caning



•Michael Caine-ing



•No old people with cains…



…anymore!



•Anything that leaves marks



•Mark Whalberg



Sex acts that involve:

•Urination



•Menstruation



And sex in public.

Great list making, I know, but what about shitting? I don't think it's an accident that these coprophiliac cockneys didn't mention shitting. And I don't think you do either.

One of the most important facets of the bill would be its age verification process which would force porn websites to keep a database of their users—which can be easily hacked.



A spokeswoman for the British Board of Film Classification said.



And alarms will go off and you'll be booby-trapped. And not the good kind of booby.

Believe it or not, people are up in arms about the prospect of this bill.

Professor Clare McGlynn, an expert on pornography laws at Durham University said:



I personally agree with her stance. Why put focus on what two consenting individuals are doing, when there are legitimate cases of sexual violence in the porn industry.

The government needs to loosen up, just like you would to get more than four fingers into your orifices.



What do you guys think? Are you loose? Are you tight? I don't want to know.

Is the UK government doing their people a disservice if this bill is passed? Or is it helping… the youth? Lemme know in the comments down below.

Amazon Prime Air

Everyone (but you) is talking about Amazon announcing drone delivery services. My friends in the U.S. kinda got really excited, but here's the deal: it's not going to happen anytime soon.



The idea that you could order something, and then get it delivered to your house via drone service, in 30 minutes, is absolutely awesome (and super sexy too).































The guy running Amazon said that it probably won't be available till 2015; even though it's not like till 2020 that the Federal Aviation Administration is even going to certify commercial drones. And really, that's the year that actually matters: 2020. Because, the way Amazon wants to use these things, that's when they'll have to wait till.

Additionally, that's also the reason that if this is the way that things are going to be delivered in the near future, China is going to beat every country to the punch. Reportedly, they could be the first place to legalize parcel delivery by drones. While the FAA has their timeline in the United States, in China right now, with the permission of the government, they're testing this.







Proportionally, while I do believe it's a generally cool idea, there are people on the internet not too happy, saying that if this does happen, they will shoot drones down from the sky (which seems like a huge escalation of what I'm typing about right now)! But that's alright though.

I personally like the idea. It just oozes of awesome that I had to share with you. Nonetheless, it's 2013, going on 2014; and we live in the age of "I want it now, give it to me now, OMG, I got it now!", we want everything now now, sharp sharp, super sharpish. Or, like we say in Nigeria: sharp(a)ly. Also, we constantly talk about how the internet and social media are making us less personal, but really, it just gives you the option of being personal with the people you actually want to; and avoiding all the other people whenever possible.

The Victimization of Robin Thicke

You probably remember how everyone concluded that Miley Cyrus is such a skank, and Robin Thicke was just an innocent bystander who grinded on Miley's booty and let her touch him. Poor Robin! Shame the whore!



Well, a picture was posted to the internet, and it was removed (which means it was fantastic). But it surfaced again recently, thanks to the deep diggers of the internet (these scavengers salvage almost anything on the interwebs). And the picture was of Robin Thicke with a female fan; where he may or may not be treating her like a human bowling ball.



Since we don't slut-shame men, I've got to give props to Robin Thicke for at least not doing it with his other hand, because then he might lose his wedding ring.

Asshole of the Internet World

Today, I found a person on the interwebs, that didn't need context to try and publicly shame a man who was on his laptop, working on the floor, in a New York City train.



The headline for this picture is:



So, just a few things:

(1) That doesn't look like a crowded train to me. And,

(2) Taking pictures of people in public, without their knowledge, and then calling them assholes, is a magnanimously moronic move. So, scientifically speaking, you're a magnanimous moron. It's science, you can't argue with that.

But, what's even better, is that the guy who was on the train...



...responded to the moron, and he provided context to the moron, in a much more polite manner than I would have, saying:



And there you have context!

Eventually, the moron who posted the picture, responded to the guy in the picture, saying:



Blah, blah, blah...

And that's why, my friends, the person that took the picture in question, is a major moron. That's it. Quite frankly, it's not the moron's fault, most morons are also super stupid assholes. Unsurprisingly, they don't realise that other people (in the world) have lots and lots and lots of responsibilities.

Yahoo! Tops Google?!

Yahoo! beat Google in US internet traffic, for the first time in 5 years! This is based off the comScore for July, 2013, and I can barely believe it.



Proportionately, some saying it could be related to Yahoo! acquiring Tumblr, but those Tumblr views are not being counted as Yahoo! views. Tumblr is still separate on this list.

Scratch what I typed about barely believing, virtually anything's possible. Either way, this could be the beginning of something (maybe) Google didn't see. Or, it could be just a slow fluctuation, I don't know. But, what I do know, is that you can't stay at the top forever.