The UK Proposed a New Bill That Will Really Make Porn a Lot Less Interesting

The DIGITAL ECONOMY BILL plans on banning sex acts in porn that aren't commercially available in DVDs.



You're thinking ‘Whaaat!’

I'm thinking ‘WTF!’

But commercial DVDs don't have straight guidelines. What could this bill possibly ban in porn?

Everything, Guys. At least everything that matters.

Adult film producers are finding it they have to cut most kinds of non-conventional sex acts from their films.

What the hell…

What does non-conventional even mean though?

For example, the bill will ban FEMALE EJACULATION which is very “non-conventional”.

What even is FEMALE EJACULATION?

I think that means SQUIRTING.

Ow, you don't know what that is? Great, a female who hasn't the haziest idea what FEMALE EJACULATION is. Perhaps you had your clitoris completely cut off or bitten off as the case may be. With the relations reversed, if you're utterly uncircumcised, then you're obviously out of breath and in dire need of a glass of water, or more correctly speaking “bottle water”.



President Muhammadu Buhari of the crystal clearly colossal country called Nigeria has said that FEMALE EJACULATION is a sin and also added that he is glad they are banning it. You would say that, Buhari, you've probably never made a girl come in her life. Nonetheless, several solid sources say that Buhari has got a surpassingly shriveled, turtlenecked, massive choad the size of four human fingers.



Speaking of four human fingers, the bill's banning anything over four fingers entering any orifice.

Violent weapons are also off the table now.



Apparently, people stick guns in pussies. Also, buttholes. I've never watched that though. I have only seen two porns and one of them is Lindsay Lohan's THE CANYONS…



…and I don't even know if that is a porn.



Let's go over THE DIGITAL ECONOMY BILL'S GREATEST HITS:

•Spanking



•Whipping



•Caning



•Michael Caine-ing



•No old people with cains…



…anymore!



•Anything that leaves marks



•Mark Whalberg



Sex acts that involve:

•Urination



•Menstruation



And sex in public.

Great list making, I know, but what about shitting? I don't think it's an accident that these coprophiliac cockneys didn't mention shitting. And I don't think you do either.

One of the most important facets of the bill would be its age verification process which would force porn websites to keep a database of their users—which can be easily hacked.



A spokeswoman for the British Board of Film Classification said.



And alarms will go off and you'll be booby-trapped. And not the good kind of booby.

Believe it or not, people are up in arms about the prospect of this bill.

Professor Clare McGlynn, an expert on pornography laws at Durham University said:



I personally agree with her stance. Why put focus on what two consenting individuals are doing, when there are legitimate cases of sexual violence in the porn industry.

The government needs to loosen up, just like you would to get more than four fingers into your orifices.



What do you guys think? Are you loose? Are you tight? I don't want to know.

Is the UK government doing their people a disservice if this bill is passed? Or is it helping… the youth? Lemme know in the comments down below.

Sex News... Specifically, Who's Watching Porn

The reason Pornhub is one of my favorite sites on the internet isn't really the porn; is they have so many stats and analytics about who's watching it that I love it — also the porno.

The most recent information is: How old are people that are watching porn? According to their stats, the average male user is 36 while the women are 34. But, as one would kind of expect, the largest blocks go in this order:

18-24
25-34
35-44
45-54
55-64
65+, aka “People Who Say They're a Hundred Years Old to Get Past Age-Gating”



I'm 25, going on 26, but if there was an age-gated video, I was born January 1st, 1901. I should be allowed to watch this video; I went through two World Wars and saw the fall of Communism.

They also showcased the average age based on country. Three with the highest average age: Japan, Belgium and Italy.



They also showed top searches, the most popular categories based on age and this is interesting because you kind of see the evolution of one's perviness. Although in almost constant is apparently everyone wants to bang their stepmom! Like everyone!! And this is just touching the surface of all these analytics!!! I'm telling you, Pornhub loves analytics more than their 55+ and older users love searching for very very old granny.

Researchers Now Say There's No Such Thing as Porn Addiction

I've heard of celebrities going into rehab for sex addiction; I've heard that porn addiction is a thing but new researchers are saying no to this. Specifically:



And the research that actually took place did not find much evidence; and a big thing they found are that:



Additionally, they may be using these visually stimulating images to get over decreased life satisfaction. And then, maybe add on top that it conflicts with their personal beliefs, they feel shame, and then they want to feel like a victim, rather than a terrible, disgusting person. Which, by the way, if you look at lots of pornography, I don't think you're a terrible, disgusting person; if you...er...look at puppy porn, yes you're a terrible, disgusting person. Lol, those types are vastly different.



So, I guess my main thing here is: just because you feel shame over something, or you have a horribly high libido like my satyriasis-tic self, be comfortable with your horny level, just don't use the word "addiction" for something like this, because it takes away from the seriousness of actual addiction.